Tuesday, June 19, 2012

I Had a Realization Today


I never really thought about it before, but most people who will be doing the program have never been to Florida for an extended period of time. I lived here my whole life and when I'm reading blogs about people currently doing the program, I think to myself, "Yeah? Lizards and Muscovy ducks, that's normal. What's the big deal?"

I just never put it together that people in other states actually don't HAVE these types of problems. (Then I'm quite envious, to be honest.) I can't count how many times I've been chased by an angry Muscovy or how many times I had to catch a lizard (or make my dad do it.) The bi-polar weather is nothing new to me, and wait till the dreaded lovebug take over. (Boy are you all in for a surprise.)

Muscovy Duck
Muscovy ducks are originally from Mexico and South America, but they have slowly made their way to the Sunshine State. They're very territorial and can be very mean. They have been known to chase dogs and people when they feel threatened. Not only are they ugly, but they also are considered pests. They eat away natural vegetation from lakes and ponds and then proceed to poop everywhere else. The males are bigger than the females at 34 inches long, and roughly about 10-15 pounds. The females are only 25 inches long, 6-8 pounds. So yeah, they're huge AND ugly. Wonderful. Pretty much, my only advice for you is to leave them alone and for the love of God, don't feed them.
The joyous lovebug

Lovebugs are harmless little creatures that's only goal in life is to annoy the hell out of everyone. They do not bite, they're just EVERYWHERE. About three times a year in Florida, we have a "lovebug season" where it seems we have black "snow" falling from the sky. This is not snow my friends, this is much worse. This is snow that once it falls to the ground, it gets back up again to fly about. There are so many lovebugs in the air that you can't walk outside without having hundreds of them swarm about your face.  There is no possible way to keep them out of your house, unless you barricade yourself in until it's all over, but even then you might get a few stragglers. Lovebugs have a simple life. They are single, the find a mate, attach to said mate to the butt, and fly around doing nothing for a couple of days until they lay eggs and die. The sad thing is, if you kill one of the attached bugs, the dead one will stay attached to the live one and the live one will carry it around until it too dies. Tragic, I know. But it's okay, you'll have a few hundred thousand take that ones place. (A bit of a side note, if you get a whole bunch on your car after driving it, try and rinse them off occasionally, the decaying bugs will eat away at the paint on your car.)

I have read that people are having a problem with frogs, also. Not big frogs, but the tiny tree frogs that are super abundant in Florida. Don't worry, they're not poisonous, but be warned, they do in fact pee on you. You go to catch it, to get it out of your home and back safe into the wild where it belongs, and BOOM your hand is now covered in frog pee. Cute, right? So, I advise that you wash your hands once you get the little one out on its merry way.

Lizards. They're pretty self explanatory. I can just say that don't grab it by the tail, it can pop it off whenever it feels like it. So you can think your crafty and grab its tail, but the lizard will make its grand escape and all you'll have is a lousy a souvenir to remember it by. So, if you have to grab one, try and get it on a newspaper, or paper in general, or grab it in the middle. I don't know if they bite, because I try to avoid all contact with them, but I wouldn't be surprised if it tried to. Fun, huh?

The flying cockroach from hell
But the fun does not stop there, my friends! There's no way you can properly be welcomed to Florida without a lovely greeting from the giant flying cockroaches from hell, Palmetto bugs! They look a lot like cockroaches, but do not be fooled. They're 1 to 2 inches long, and can FLY. Yes, you read right, they can FLY. It's personally my worst nightmare come to life, because roaches are the only things I run away from screaming. Add flight into the mix and I'm reduced to a crying 3 year old girl. Another lovely fact, when you "disturb" them, they produce an odor. A "disagreeable" odor, to quote Wikipedia. They like to stay in warm damp places, so, try to keep things dry. A plus side for those brave enough to go after the winged beast, they're slow. So if you can swat them down from the sky, you have time to kill them twenty times over. Have fun!
This can happen to you.

As for the weather, I can't determine how we thought it was a great idea to be called the "Sunshine State" because clearly we are the "Weather Can't Really Make Up It's Mind" state. Every day is humid, we have three days of spring, a week of fall, a few months of "cold" winter, and all the rest is "rainy, hot, sticky" days. We have flash floods all the time in the summer, it rains sideways for about 10-20 minutes and then there's not a cloud in the sky. The humidity kills every inch of your hair and decides that "frizzy" is the best look for you that day. Don't try and tame it, it won't work. You don't know how thick your hair really is until you come to Florida and the humidity decides that each strand has to be completely messed up. My advice, try to look up helpful de-frizzing anti-humidity hair products. I can't really suggest any because my hair is too short now to have a serious problem with humidity. Don't get me wrong, it's still annoying, but it's not as bit of an issue to me anymore.

There's no real point to this post, just that I've never thought about how different Florida might be to other people before. I've been more focused on what's going to happen at Disney when I finally get to work there, that I've completely ignored the fact that most people have to adapt to the weirdness of Florida. I'm lucky (un-lucky?) enough to be able to skip that step. (For the most part anyway.)

Image sources: http://www.ducks.org/hunting/waterfowl-id/muscovy-duck
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tree_frogs
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lovebug
http://www.city-data.com/forum/florida/70177-palmetto-bugs-2.html
http://www.sheknows.com/beauty-and-style/articles/827105/fast-and-sneaky-beauty-boosters

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